what else is there to say?
this is a really fucking hard season. for us all (who are quarantining and social distancing).
day to day moments are the tough thing. staying motivated, despite having no big plans to look forward to.
finding ways to feel refreshed.
i find the following practices to help me in finding some refreshment from the monotony of depression, (not in any such special order). but to be honest, when i'm really really feeling shitty sometimes all i can do is cry.
- weed: yes, as someone who has significant trauma and anxiety/depression, THC and CBD have proven themselves to be heaven sent. i am thankful to live in a state where cannabis is legal and only can fight for it to continue to legalize. it is a healing drug - but the violence behind the illegal drug trade is not healing. nor are the number of black and brown men who have and continue to get criminalized and incarcerated due to dealing/possession. meanwhile the while folks purchasing this drug suffer no consequences. it's maddening. support legalization. legalizing weed means more than just letting folks like me benefit from its healing elements. legalizing weed means saving lives.
- baths: with cannabis bath salts (lol yes! more weeed). sometimes, however, i feel i draw a bath and then i settle in only to feel claustrophobic. does this happen to anyone else? our tub is right about again the wall and idk it just makes me feel like i can't breath, between the heat and the close quarters. lol send me a message if you can relate.
- facial toner + masks: i'm regularly rinsing my face throughout the day with witch hazel facial toner. i really feel it helps with my mood, energy, and skin of course. i also have started to do face masks every few days. mostly when i feel like i can't stop doing things. like i need a reason to slow down. and slobbing a glob of face mask on your face kinda makes you want to slow down.
- walks: honestly, i am soooo ambivalent about walks these days especially as the rain has set in. and the days are short and fuckk. and getting shorter, till the 21st. it's tough. but getting outdoors and moving the body is always good.
- opening the windows: even if it's for a few minutes. bring fresh air into your hemisphere when you're not up for go out to it.
- music: i struggle to find good music. which is why lately i'm sticking to billie eilish (the most amazing. love her.) and etta james (mark bought me her record :) if this is all i'm enjoying at the moment, so be it.
- playing music: when i have the mental strength to sit myself down at the keyboard, i play and sing. covers or i write my own music. though i haven't done much of that lately.
- make art, of course. thought sometimes it riles me up more because i get obsessed on whether what i'm making is good enough. for whom? not sure. the internet? you?
- read: this i do quite a bit, every night for sure to help me go to sleep. i just finished "the body keeps the score" which addresses how trauma lives in our bodies. i am now reading my second DH Lawrence novel, "Women in Love". I read "Lady Chatterly's Lover" and became taken with Lawrence's style. He was an author whose novels were published in and around the 1920-30s, in Italy i believe. definitely worth a turn if you're interested in european literature from that era. so many crazy things happened post world war I.
- watching downton abbey: jk watching anything you like. but for me it's downton abbey. and fargo, the tv show. i'm absolutely in need of escapism. omg 100%.
ok that's all i have for you. enjoy this art.
that's a two page collage consisting of some of my novice waterpainting, my calligraphy doodles, an original self portrait, and a clip from the cartoon, Peanuts.
this piece is a compilation of some of my watercolor painting projects from this weekend. honestly i find it to be a very FRUSTRATING art. and feel i want to give up on it sometimes.
i feel something is always failing me.
either it is myself and my frustration with how long i am taking to learn something.
or it is technology that is failing me. for instance, in these scans you may see some lines. i realized after the fact that my scanner clearly needs to be "Recalibrated". which is fancy talk for cleaned. and i just get frustrated because there are many many small things which can make art these days difficult.
you have to know not only how to navigate your own practice (like painting, calligraphy, photography, etc). but you have to be able to navigate technology. and all that means. uploading. processing. editing. post processing. client delivery. marketing. blogging. website. social fucking media.
needless to say. it's all a lot.
and i doubt i am alone as an artist (during COVID in 2020) when i say:
these have been my CONFESSIONS.
thank you for dropping in to listen. and read. and LOOK.